No wife at home :(

Things I have realized since Laura has been out of town...

1. Coming home is not nearly as exciting when your aren't coming home to someone.
2. Making the bed is a pain in the butt by yourself.
3. I have missed bumping each other while we get ready for work.
4. Even if I do a lot of the things that I really enjoy in one day I still wish Laura was with me.
5. I have almost mastered the pillow chop when I make the bed.
6. I have become a much more tidy person since May.
7. I have gotten used to splitting a french press in the morning and have wasted a half of a press each day I have been home alone.
8. Skype is great but is no substitute for being with somebody.
9. A half empty bed is an uncomfortable bed.

Husband List

As a husband I have learned to make a regular habit to…

…always give attention to emotion, no matter how you feel or how little energy you have.  Don’t stop at being reactive to emotion but work to be proactive to emotion, thinking about how something could cause emotion to arise in your wife.

…always look for a way to serve your wife.  Both big and small acts of service are appreciated.

…learn what means a lot to your wife and deliver on it.

…tell her what you appreciate about her, both character traits and actions.

…take her on a date, she IS still your girlfriend too you know J

…pursue unity, do not allow distance to creep in.

I used to believe that distance came by neglect to a mentionable degree or by one actively pursuing distance or one choosing not to go with the other.  Establishing and maintaining unity is more like driving a car that is out of alignment.  If you aren’t intentional about staying between the lines the car will drift away, even if you don’t mean to.  We live, and are married, in a fallen world and all things that are good have an inclination to disaster since the fall.  That means it takes work.

…apologize.

…not go to sleep with any negative emotions regardless of whether they are isolated to one of you or they are mutual or between you, you are now one so now emotion belongs to both of you.  Talk them through right then, always yielding to the one that needs some time before talking things through.  You will sleep better and it continues to foster unity and intimacy.

…kiss her.

…touch her.

…affirm what she does.  She needs to know that what she does means something to you and that it is significant.  That extends from her work to decorating and cleaning, it all matters.

…pay attention to detail and be intentional. 

Wear clothes that she likes to see you in.  Ask her to wear a particular outfit if you are going out for a meal or out on a date.  Be open to other suggestions J Know what her favorite flower is.  Know how she likes her coffee.  Know something that she specifically likes and ask her if you can do that together sometime.

…BE A STUDENT OF YOUR WIFE.  You will never finish the course but it is a fascinating class J

…deliver truth in love.  Never let things that need to be addressed go without being addressed.  I am to assume the leadership role so this is my initiative.  Never succumb to the “just say ’yes dear’” or “happy wife, happy life” mentality.  Calling things as they are may bring uncomfortable situations but it brings unity, better times and catalyzes humility.

…pursue compliment.  You do not become the same person upon becoming one but rather you become one higher functioning unit.  Discuss strengths and weaknesses and partner together in them.  Rather than dividing tasks according to each person’s strengths, it is best if one person assumes the leadership in tasks they are strong in and the other should follow, learn, and be involved. Through this involvement conversations will arise from the topic and issues can be discussed.  This ranges from finances to cooking and cleaning.

His ways are not our ways... Isaiah 55:8-9

God always proves himself faithful and that always reminds us of how dependent we are of his grace, how quickly we lose heart and begin feeling pity on ourselves and therefore begin relying on our own abilities because of our doubt in the Lord.  This is such a slippery slope and is only resolved by the redirecting of scripture or the incredibly humbling experience of the Lord's timing coming to pass.

Laura and I have been learning so much in such a short amount of time.  This whole learning process has been frustrating, challenging, humbling, painful, satisfying and unifying seemingly all at the same time.  We have been learning about ourselves together and individually, our preferences, our needs, our weaknesses, our flaws, our strengths, our gifts, relationships, gratitude and much more.

A continuing theme of conversation and of desire since we have arrived has been the need for community.  We have been so blessed to have such great families, incredible friends all around us and for a church that is second to none as far as we are concerned up to this point.  Even a place as beautiful as Colorado, with a near perfect climate and more adventures to be had than any red-blooded American man can dream of really isn't that much fun without people to experience and appreciate it with.  A beautifully decorated and functional apartment is not as much fun when no one else gets to come in and enjoy it as well.  We are now thoroughly convinced that we were made for relationships.  We were not made to go along this life alone. Period.  People reflect the character of our loving Father, they bring richness and depth to life.  They are the salt that illuminate flavors and the colors that make flowers beautiful.  We are so grateful for our family and friends and while we long for the next chance to share a cup of coffee and hours of laughs together we are also excited for the ways that God is going to surround us with the people and relationships that we need at this stage in our life.  Though we have wavered in this confidence it is much stronger as of today.

We have struggled with finding a church that meets our needs out here.  We have been confronted with times that cause us to sift through our preferences with a fine screen to find the things that we truly need for a church to provide.  We have found comfortable places with great community but until today our heart have not been encouraged by visiting churches out here.  We have been broken over the lack of a church family, the muddy or weak articulation of Scripture and the longing we have for the church that has facilitated so much growth in our lives in the past 3 years.

Before we left Lynchburg the Lord began to grow a desire to serve in the church that was different and much stronger than any desire to serve that we had ever had before.  We no longer felt obligated to serve because we were Christians, we were not longing to serve because we felt that it was the right thing to do or because of an overwhelming need of service in the church.  I think, for the first time, we actually believed in the church, experienced what it was like to benefit from a body of believers that were truly committed to following Christ and we wanted to be part of that.  We did not just believe in our church but we believed in the church.  It is a wonderful thing.  When we arrived out here we were dying to put our hands to work in the same direction the church was moving but that was not the Lord's plan for right then.  Two months of church shopping, hopping, visiting, searching and evaluating and every one was a huge compromise in one way or another.  At first some preferences got in the way but they were sifted through and by the end of the two months we were at the point where we truly appreciated the necessities.  It felt as though we had been traveling by foot for a long time in the heat, first wanting sweet tea with a steak and potatoes for a meal.  As time passed we would be happy with a burger and a soda, and finally we got to the point that we could only dream of a glass of water and some bread.  Our preferences began to wane and our desire for health and life prevailed.

God was so gracious in providing a full time job for me and a part time job for Laura very soon after we arrived here.  We have now constructed our budget to live off of one income so now when the Lord provides a full time job for Laura we will not be tempted to re-do our budget to live luxuriously off of two incomes but now we will be able to be wise with the extra that God provides for us.  In that time before we moved into our apartment Laura worked really hard and was able to milk Craigslist for all it was worth and save us roughly 50% overall on all of our furniture.  Neither one of us would have had the time to do this as well if we were both working full time and therefore would have been tempted to spend more than we needed to on getting started.  The week after we move into our apartment Laura was approached about a full time job opening at her work and we are now waiting to hear about the final results of her interviews.  We have met a couple through Laura's work that we really enjoy spending time with and today we visited a church that looks like it might be home for us.

I have had a hard time with balancing the negative correlation between effort and energy.  It seems like everything has demanded my attention and therefore I was always tired.  The easy way not most often not the best way to go about a situation.  It is easy for me to notice that something is not right with Laura and ignore it and head for bed because I think I am too tired to handle emotions at that point of the day but at that very point, if I turn away from her I establish distance between us.  We are convinced that before marriage the enemy works as hard as possible to bring you together before your time and the instant you are married he changes gears and works with all of his might to establish distance between the two of you.  There is no room for selfishness in marriage.  There is no room for laziness.  There is no room for ease.  We must remain unified.  We must choose to love.  We must always look to the best interest of our companion and not to our own.  We must establish trust.  We must maintain open, raw communication for it is the only kind that is truly effective.  We must fight for the time to remain before the King and not give way to the 9-5 and the Monday-Friday monotony.  We must come together to pray and present each other to the Lord through the day.

Though we have been slow to learn some of these things I am grateful that we have at least been aware of them and we continue to pray that these lessons stick and become ingrained in our hearts.   Praise be to God alone for answered prayers.  Thank you to all of you that have prayed for us in this transition.  Know that your prayers were not in vain.  God looks down on his bride with the passion and desire of a groom on his wedding day and will freely give us all things.  He is passionately in love with us and has proven it by extending grace to us by sacrificing Jesus so that we may dwell with Him forever.

From the Springs

The detailed, day-by-day schedule that we’ve been following since May 12^th is now completed. June 5^th has come and gone. We’ve arrived in Colorado Springs, Colorado and are surrounded by truly majestic mountains that we know as the Rockies.

With the reality that we’ve finished this detailed schedule and now step into a good bit of unknown, I’ve had several thoughts come to mind about this time and thought I’d share some. 

O' how beautiful marriage is! It is so sweet, but also the most challenging thing next to our walks with Jesus Christ that we have ever committed to individually or together. This is Laura writing... I figured it was about time I added my contribution to the posts Taylor has started. One of the things I love about Taylor is just that... his creativity in the ways he seeks to stay connected to our friends and family. And he says I'm the creative one! Taylor, you give me a run for my money, my love. Our hope is to use some of the money we received as wedding gifts to purchase a video camera to document our journeys out here in the beautiful West. So stay tuned. Ok… back to the thoughts.

I have to say... a little over two weeks of marriage and I have come to learn so much through the everyday moments we've walked through together thus far. Taylor's heart is so deep and our unity in marriage has allowed me to experience that in literally a life altering way! Jesus Christ was so right in giving us marriage to model the relationship between He and the church! Marriage will change your world! Sadly, many people only know this change to be a change for the worst. O' how this grieves my heart. It does so because of how good, powerful, and beautiful the Lord has made that change for Taylor and I! Don't hear me wrong that this has been an easy breezy two weeks or that we’ve handled everything with perfect responses, roses, and candlelight. Whew! Not reality! But the change that marriage brings about emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually is one that I believe that Scripture intends to be for our good and satisfaction. However, if I tried to fit the good and satisfying things we're finding in marriage into society's definition of "good" or "satisfying," it would kind of be like Taylor and I attempting to pack all of our things into two cars. Doesn’t fit!


After all is said and done with the wedding, our marriage is redefining our reality! If growth can be felt (rather than just reflected upon), we are feeling it each day. Tears have welled up in my eyes. Selfishness continues to remind both Taylor and I that we still have a flesh nature to battle. I've been tongue tied and lost for words with emotion and thoughts. But! I have been lavished by the incredible, affirming, and satisfying love of a man who knows deep things about me that no one else will know. I have never felt more beautiful, confident, and worthy of love not only because of my husband but because of the way I understand the love of Christ better. All the preparation and words of wisdom from those around us during this time are so helpful and we cling to words such as, "always communicate," "keep Christ at the center," "always remember to seek out community and don't isolate yourselves," "value honesty and sensitivity." However, experience is truly a powerful teacher!

These are beautiful days as we pray for patience, joy, and love to flood our hearts!

Savoring these moments,

Mrs. Eley

Thoughts from within a week

3 DAYS!!!  :)

Psalm 67 says:

May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face shine upon us, that your ways may be known on earth, your salvation among all nations.  May the peoples praise you, O God; may all the peoples praise you.  May the nations be glad and sing for joy, for you rule the peoples justly and guide the nations of the earth.  May the peoples praise you, O God; may all the peoples praise you.  Then the land will yield its harvest, and God, our God, will bless you.  God will bless us and all the ends of the earth will fear him.

This is our prayer for the wedding, that God would be gracious to us and bless us to that his ways would be known among those at the wedding.  As much as we want this occasion and celebration to be beautiful and fun we are praying that the Lord would grow an even stronger desire in our hearts for his glory and his fame.

We have been deeply affected by knowing that the depth of love that we have for one another is but a mere shadow of the love that God has for each of us individually.  We are praying that this knowledge would permeate fortified and calloused hearts, blind eyes and deaf ears all to his glory.  

Thanks to everybody who has been praying for us in this time, your prayers are certainly felt.  This week we have had enough of a to-do list to keep us busy but not enough to stress over.  We are so excited to see everybody this weekend and share this occasion with everybody that can come.