Husband List

As a husband I have learned to make a regular habit to…

…always give attention to emotion, no matter how you feel or how little energy you have.  Don’t stop at being reactive to emotion but work to be proactive to emotion, thinking about how something could cause emotion to arise in your wife.

…always look for a way to serve your wife.  Both big and small acts of service are appreciated.

…learn what means a lot to your wife and deliver on it.

…tell her what you appreciate about her, both character traits and actions.

…take her on a date, she IS still your girlfriend too you know J

…pursue unity, do not allow distance to creep in.

I used to believe that distance came by neglect to a mentionable degree or by one actively pursuing distance or one choosing not to go with the other.  Establishing and maintaining unity is more like driving a car that is out of alignment.  If you aren’t intentional about staying between the lines the car will drift away, even if you don’t mean to.  We live, and are married, in a fallen world and all things that are good have an inclination to disaster since the fall.  That means it takes work.

…apologize.

…not go to sleep with any negative emotions regardless of whether they are isolated to one of you or they are mutual or between you, you are now one so now emotion belongs to both of you.  Talk them through right then, always yielding to the one that needs some time before talking things through.  You will sleep better and it continues to foster unity and intimacy.

…kiss her.

…touch her.

…affirm what she does.  She needs to know that what she does means something to you and that it is significant.  That extends from her work to decorating and cleaning, it all matters.

…pay attention to detail and be intentional. 

Wear clothes that she likes to see you in.  Ask her to wear a particular outfit if you are going out for a meal or out on a date.  Be open to other suggestions J Know what her favorite flower is.  Know how she likes her coffee.  Know something that she specifically likes and ask her if you can do that together sometime.

…BE A STUDENT OF YOUR WIFE.  You will never finish the course but it is a fascinating class J

…deliver truth in love.  Never let things that need to be addressed go without being addressed.  I am to assume the leadership role so this is my initiative.  Never succumb to the “just say ’yes dear’” or “happy wife, happy life” mentality.  Calling things as they are may bring uncomfortable situations but it brings unity, better times and catalyzes humility.

…pursue compliment.  You do not become the same person upon becoming one but rather you become one higher functioning unit.  Discuss strengths and weaknesses and partner together in them.  Rather than dividing tasks according to each person’s strengths, it is best if one person assumes the leadership in tasks they are strong in and the other should follow, learn, and be involved. Through this involvement conversations will arise from the topic and issues can be discussed.  This ranges from finances to cooking and cleaning.