Update on the Eleys' life

Here is a long over due update on things that have happened since the wedding. We had asked some people to be praying for some of these and have yet to get back to them but we figure everybody can rejoice with us about these things with us now.

• Safe travels to CO- We had a couple hiccups on the way out here but nothing to change our schedule too bad. We were blessed by the generosity of family and friends through the wedding to have the funds to make the trip as comfortable as possible with good meals, coffee stops, and comfortable hotel rooms for our two nights on the road. When we arrived in CO our friend let us stay her until we fot our feet on the ground and found a place to stay while another friend let us store our things in his apartment until we moved in.

• Getting jobs- We had a little over a week out here to rest up and get settled before I got a full time, salary job with benefits. Soon after that Laura transferred her part time job from back home. This helped the financial cushion and kept us both busy through the day. The week after we moved into our apartment Laura landed a full time job where she was working allowing her to work more and use some of her HR training in her new management position. This past week we found out that Laura is the top performing Leader on Duty in the whole district! We still don't exactly know why we are here but good things are happening so we are continuing to move forward.

• Finding a place to live- We were looking at apartments for the better part of a month. Laura did the majority of the leg work in finding the complexes to look at. After searching and looking at a lot of places that we really weren't excited about we found a small 1BR+1BA apartment on the north side of town. It is the perfect size for us at this point and Laura has done a great job at making it comfortable and very "us" :)

• Finding furniture- While Laura was working part time she was milking Craigslist for all it was worth, and it paid off! Not only were we able to get furniture that is good quality that we really like but after all was said and done we saved roughly 50% compared to buying all of our furniture new. Laura even found the same sofa that she really wanted from the furniture store on Craigslist and we ended up getting the sofa with matching chair and ottoman for about the same cost as the sofa would have been brand new. She's a keeper :)

• Strong marriage- Marriage has been wonderful. We certainly have had times when we've looked at each other and asked "what were we thinking?" but so many things have proved that this is where the Lord has us for this time. We have both been faced with the ugly sides of ourselves at times. In those times the Lord has given us grace to be humble when faced with ourselves and grace to handle the other person with compassion. We have experienced honesty and openess in communication that has made coming together to function as one a beautiful thing. A variety of things have raised their head at different times, but we've learned first hand that those things can either come between you or they can push you together. I am grateful that Laura and I have stayed committed to pulling together and not allowing things to come between us. Functioning as one and not leaving any negative emotion on the table at night have shown how essential those pieces of wisdom are.

• Finding a church- After a long, and often discouraging church hunting experience we finally found a church to settle into. Woodmen Valley Chapel is one of the larger churches in the area but it has everything we have been looking for in a church. They value excellence and do a phenomenal job with their media, classes, communication, teaching and with their worship. They are a contemporary church that steers clear of putting on a concert. Their music is done well enough that is is not distracting but rather engaging and facilitating of worship. AND, on top of it all, the head teaching pastor is committed to the doctrines of grace, something that was very important to both Laura and I as we were looking for a church. So grateful to have a church to call home.

• Finding community- The week after our first visit to Woodmen Valley Chapel they were starting their 3 week Small Group Launch class so we joined in. That class has turned into a wonderful group of young married couples that we are meeting with weekly and has been such a comfort to be able to look for faces at church on Sunday morning and have a list of phone numbers to call if we want to do anything with someone else. We have already been challenged and encouraged by these wonderful people and we are looking forward to growing with them.

Lots of great stuff going on out here. Thanks to everybody who has been praying for us. We just want you to know that so many prayers have been answered already.

Fall Favorites in the Eley House

This is an Eley family tradition that I always remember and it is one that we will continue on for as long as there is apple cider :)  Here is the recipe for our family's spiced cider.

First you will need: 

4 cups apple cider

1/2 orange 

2 cinnamon sticks

5 whole cloves

1/2 tsp ground ginger 

1/2 tsp ground nutmeg

First pour the cider in a small sauce pan and then zest the 1/2 orange with a normal peeler or zester/microplane if you have one. Then throw the zest in the pan, cut the orange in half, squeeze the juice in the cider and throw in the orange.

Next get your cinnamon sticks and cloves and throw them in the pan along with the nutmeg and ginger.

Let it simmer for a little while to make your house smell good and then enjoy a hot cup right then or store it in a pitcher to warm up quickly later.  If you put it in a pitcher, be sure to stir or shake it so you get all of the flavors before you pour a cup.

Next food post will be about our homemade granola :)

Sorry the photography is a little rough. Low light and a shallow depth of field makes for tough shooting.

No wife at home :(

Things I have realized since Laura has been out of town...

1. Coming home is not nearly as exciting when your aren't coming home to someone.
2. Making the bed is a pain in the butt by yourself.
3. I have missed bumping each other while we get ready for work.
4. Even if I do a lot of the things that I really enjoy in one day I still wish Laura was with me.
5. I have almost mastered the pillow chop when I make the bed.
6. I have become a much more tidy person since May.
7. I have gotten used to splitting a french press in the morning and have wasted a half of a press each day I have been home alone.
8. Skype is great but is no substitute for being with somebody.
9. A half empty bed is an uncomfortable bed.

Husband List

As a husband I have learned to make a regular habit to…

…always give attention to emotion, no matter how you feel or how little energy you have.  Don’t stop at being reactive to emotion but work to be proactive to emotion, thinking about how something could cause emotion to arise in your wife.

…always look for a way to serve your wife.  Both big and small acts of service are appreciated.

…learn what means a lot to your wife and deliver on it.

…tell her what you appreciate about her, both character traits and actions.

…take her on a date, she IS still your girlfriend too you know J

…pursue unity, do not allow distance to creep in.

I used to believe that distance came by neglect to a mentionable degree or by one actively pursuing distance or one choosing not to go with the other.  Establishing and maintaining unity is more like driving a car that is out of alignment.  If you aren’t intentional about staying between the lines the car will drift away, even if you don’t mean to.  We live, and are married, in a fallen world and all things that are good have an inclination to disaster since the fall.  That means it takes work.

…apologize.

…not go to sleep with any negative emotions regardless of whether they are isolated to one of you or they are mutual or between you, you are now one so now emotion belongs to both of you.  Talk them through right then, always yielding to the one that needs some time before talking things through.  You will sleep better and it continues to foster unity and intimacy.

…kiss her.

…touch her.

…affirm what she does.  She needs to know that what she does means something to you and that it is significant.  That extends from her work to decorating and cleaning, it all matters.

…pay attention to detail and be intentional. 

Wear clothes that she likes to see you in.  Ask her to wear a particular outfit if you are going out for a meal or out on a date.  Be open to other suggestions J Know what her favorite flower is.  Know how she likes her coffee.  Know something that she specifically likes and ask her if you can do that together sometime.

…BE A STUDENT OF YOUR WIFE.  You will never finish the course but it is a fascinating class J

…deliver truth in love.  Never let things that need to be addressed go without being addressed.  I am to assume the leadership role so this is my initiative.  Never succumb to the “just say ’yes dear’” or “happy wife, happy life” mentality.  Calling things as they are may bring uncomfortable situations but it brings unity, better times and catalyzes humility.

…pursue compliment.  You do not become the same person upon becoming one but rather you become one higher functioning unit.  Discuss strengths and weaknesses and partner together in them.  Rather than dividing tasks according to each person’s strengths, it is best if one person assumes the leadership in tasks they are strong in and the other should follow, learn, and be involved. Through this involvement conversations will arise from the topic and issues can be discussed.  This ranges from finances to cooking and cleaning.

His ways are not our ways... Isaiah 55:8-9

God always proves himself faithful and that always reminds us of how dependent we are of his grace, how quickly we lose heart and begin feeling pity on ourselves and therefore begin relying on our own abilities because of our doubt in the Lord.  This is such a slippery slope and is only resolved by the redirecting of scripture or the incredibly humbling experience of the Lord's timing coming to pass.

Laura and I have been learning so much in such a short amount of time.  This whole learning process has been frustrating, challenging, humbling, painful, satisfying and unifying seemingly all at the same time.  We have been learning about ourselves together and individually, our preferences, our needs, our weaknesses, our flaws, our strengths, our gifts, relationships, gratitude and much more.

A continuing theme of conversation and of desire since we have arrived has been the need for community.  We have been so blessed to have such great families, incredible friends all around us and for a church that is second to none as far as we are concerned up to this point.  Even a place as beautiful as Colorado, with a near perfect climate and more adventures to be had than any red-blooded American man can dream of really isn't that much fun without people to experience and appreciate it with.  A beautifully decorated and functional apartment is not as much fun when no one else gets to come in and enjoy it as well.  We are now thoroughly convinced that we were made for relationships.  We were not made to go along this life alone. Period.  People reflect the character of our loving Father, they bring richness and depth to life.  They are the salt that illuminate flavors and the colors that make flowers beautiful.  We are so grateful for our family and friends and while we long for the next chance to share a cup of coffee and hours of laughs together we are also excited for the ways that God is going to surround us with the people and relationships that we need at this stage in our life.  Though we have wavered in this confidence it is much stronger as of today.

We have struggled with finding a church that meets our needs out here.  We have been confronted with times that cause us to sift through our preferences with a fine screen to find the things that we truly need for a church to provide.  We have found comfortable places with great community but until today our heart have not been encouraged by visiting churches out here.  We have been broken over the lack of a church family, the muddy or weak articulation of Scripture and the longing we have for the church that has facilitated so much growth in our lives in the past 3 years.

Before we left Lynchburg the Lord began to grow a desire to serve in the church that was different and much stronger than any desire to serve that we had ever had before.  We no longer felt obligated to serve because we were Christians, we were not longing to serve because we felt that it was the right thing to do or because of an overwhelming need of service in the church.  I think, for the first time, we actually believed in the church, experienced what it was like to benefit from a body of believers that were truly committed to following Christ and we wanted to be part of that.  We did not just believe in our church but we believed in the church.  It is a wonderful thing.  When we arrived out here we were dying to put our hands to work in the same direction the church was moving but that was not the Lord's plan for right then.  Two months of church shopping, hopping, visiting, searching and evaluating and every one was a huge compromise in one way or another.  At first some preferences got in the way but they were sifted through and by the end of the two months we were at the point where we truly appreciated the necessities.  It felt as though we had been traveling by foot for a long time in the heat, first wanting sweet tea with a steak and potatoes for a meal.  As time passed we would be happy with a burger and a soda, and finally we got to the point that we could only dream of a glass of water and some bread.  Our preferences began to wane and our desire for health and life prevailed.

God was so gracious in providing a full time job for me and a part time job for Laura very soon after we arrived here.  We have now constructed our budget to live off of one income so now when the Lord provides a full time job for Laura we will not be tempted to re-do our budget to live luxuriously off of two incomes but now we will be able to be wise with the extra that God provides for us.  In that time before we moved into our apartment Laura worked really hard and was able to milk Craigslist for all it was worth and save us roughly 50% overall on all of our furniture.  Neither one of us would have had the time to do this as well if we were both working full time and therefore would have been tempted to spend more than we needed to on getting started.  The week after we move into our apartment Laura was approached about a full time job opening at her work and we are now waiting to hear about the final results of her interviews.  We have met a couple through Laura's work that we really enjoy spending time with and today we visited a church that looks like it might be home for us.

I have had a hard time with balancing the negative correlation between effort and energy.  It seems like everything has demanded my attention and therefore I was always tired.  The easy way not most often not the best way to go about a situation.  It is easy for me to notice that something is not right with Laura and ignore it and head for bed because I think I am too tired to handle emotions at that point of the day but at that very point, if I turn away from her I establish distance between us.  We are convinced that before marriage the enemy works as hard as possible to bring you together before your time and the instant you are married he changes gears and works with all of his might to establish distance between the two of you.  There is no room for selfishness in marriage.  There is no room for laziness.  There is no room for ease.  We must remain unified.  We must choose to love.  We must always look to the best interest of our companion and not to our own.  We must establish trust.  We must maintain open, raw communication for it is the only kind that is truly effective.  We must fight for the time to remain before the King and not give way to the 9-5 and the Monday-Friday monotony.  We must come together to pray and present each other to the Lord through the day.

Though we have been slow to learn some of these things I am grateful that we have at least been aware of them and we continue to pray that these lessons stick and become ingrained in our hearts.   Praise be to God alone for answered prayers.  Thank you to all of you that have prayed for us in this transition.  Know that your prayers were not in vain.  God looks down on his bride with the passion and desire of a groom on his wedding day and will freely give us all things.  He is passionately in love with us and has proven it by extending grace to us by sacrificing Jesus so that we may dwell with Him forever.

First Video!!!

Our long awaited video camera arrived!  Here is a look at what we did last weekend...

Picture Diary of the move... on the road

These pictures were taken at around 75mph in my car.  Dont worry, I wasn't looking through the viewfinder.  Safety first :)

This is what I looked at for the whole trip

The biggest tires I have ever seen

Leaving GA and entering TN.  We have decided we like TN even though it was the sight of the tire mishap.

Another state down.  Leaving TN and entering KY.

This kind of thing makes driving into the night almost worth it.  

Kentucky boys are serious about their tractors.

Officially entering the west as we pass through St Louis

Had to drop the phone in my lap while I was talking to Carly so I could take this picture.  Another state down!

Authentic Kansas City BBQ... and it was REALLY good :)

Almost there.  At this point we had driven 20ish hours and only had about 2 more to go.

And this was the next 2 hours.  FLAT and STRAIGHT through eastern Colorado

Bug Carnage on the car top carrier from across the country.